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Big Plans
by
Aaron Howell

Well we been livin on the road for five long months now
Spent the last few days down in the dirty South
Done ran outta Gold Bond and Dr. Scholl's
And we're droppin our standards to an all time low

Fe Fi Fo Fuck Fum, yeah
Snackin on a snack, oh here she comes
Hit the door runnin
If you can't handle a quarter ton of fun

Big plans - When I wake up in the mornin
Big plans - When I'm goin to sleep
Big plans - In Lafayette, Lousianne
And they're bigger than Bourbon Street

Down in the front row was a big thick cutie
She had a whole lotta chins and a whole lotta booty
I said "Damn big mama, what's a man gotta do?"
"Just to get relatively close to you?"
[repeat chorus]
Well she had a mustache like a super trooper
And her fupa smelled like it could use a loofa
When the deed was done she said she needed a ride
I said "I called triple A, your tow-truck's right outside"
[repeat chorus]
More cushion for the pushin
A ham sammich'll get your panties squooshin
And a squasin, she's never washin
On the rag she's got more red sox than Boston
Big plans for your mammary glands
And I'm gonna be damned if I'm ever gonna do it again
Big plans cause we got some big fans
And we roll a big van, God damn we got big fuckin plans!

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